


This Love Will Never Be Convenient

by bemylant3rn



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Cute, Flower Child Harry, Flowerchild!Harry, Fluff, Fluffy, Happy Ending, M/M, Punk Louis, Punk!Louis, Self Harm, Strangers to Lovers, trigger warning, what even is tagging?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-26
Updated: 2014-04-26
Packaged: 2018-01-20 19:56:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1523645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bemylant3rn/pseuds/bemylant3rn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One boy lives a dark life of substances and self harm, another lives a life with a mysterious pain. When these two boys meet by chance, their only option may be to save each other. When the pieces of the puzzle come together, they reveal explanations and maybe, unexpected love. <br/>*trigger warning*</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Love Will Never Be Convenient

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Its been a while since I posted a story. I was hesitant to post this one because I wasn't completely satisfied with it yet, but I have decided that it is as good as its gonna get. Please leave a comment letting me know what you think! I love getting feedback.  
> I got some of the idea from a post I saw on tumblr, it intrigued me!  
> I know I mentioned this already but *trigger warning* this story contains self harm and if this will effect you in any way please refrain from reading!  
> Thanks guys! 
> 
> Title comes from the song Tattooed Tears by The Front Bottoms

"Ok, yeah. Got it," Harry mutters into the phone, "Two batches of roses, one carnation, and one sunflower," he reads back to the caller.  
"Harry, babe. When you're done with that," his boss, and best friend, Jezza, motions to a mess of flowers on the counter.  
Harry nods, listening to the caller still, "Yeah and you can pick those up tomorrow! Sounds great. Bye".  
Harry sighs and begins to clean up the discarded flower parts that were currently littering the counter.   
"When you're done with that, babe, you can clock out," Jezza says with a wink.  
"Thanks, Jez," Harry replies.  
He suddenly gets a sharp wave of pain in his upper arm, almost like a flame is being held to his skin.  
"Shit! Ow!" he calls out, dropping the bunch of flowers he was holding to grip is arm.  
"Harry! What's wrong, are you ok?" Jezza asks quickly.  
"Yeah, ow, god. It felt like something was burning my arm," he explains, "It's weird though. This isn't the first time something like this has happened. I even went to the doctor's once, they said it was probably just in my head".  
"Hazza, that isn't normal. Are you sure you're ok?" Jezza asks, just to be sure.  
"No, yeah. I’m fine," he answers still rubbing his arm.  
See, the pain would come at random times, burning in his upper arm, almost a deep paper cut like sensation on his lower arm, pain on his thighs or sides, and he didn't know why. It never left a mark, so sign of the pain at all, it just… was. He tried to ignore it in the beginning, but then it started becoming more persistent and often that it was hard to ignore now. It still caught him off guard though. The burning sensation happened at random times. The others happened mostly at night, while he was lounging with his roommates at home, or settling down in his bed. He has wracked his brain trying to figure out what it could be, but he came up short every time. 

He was laying on the couch later that night with his roommates, Zayn and Niall, when it happened again. This time is was just a pain across his upper thigh. He winced at the feeling, sucking in his breath through his teeth.  
"That weird pain again, mate?" Niall asked.  
The two boys didn't believe him at first when he describe the mysterious pain to him, but after a certain occasion where his wrists hurt so bad, he was gagging and crying, they started to believe it was real.  
"Yeah, it's fine. It's whatever," he brushed it off.

Louis wandered the streets for about an hour until his high wore off and his depressed nature kicked in. He finally made it to an apartment, not his, but one of his only friend Liam's apartment.   
"Jesus, Louis," was the greeting he got, "You look like a right mess. What have you been doing all night?"  
"Drinking, smoking, taking whatever pills I could get my hands on," he answered simply.  
There was no need to lie to Liam. Liam was the one who saved him when he tried to kill himself. He was the one who found him in the bathroom with his wrists cut so deep, he almost didn’t make it. Liam had seen him at his lowest of lows, and at this rate, he was heading back there.   
"Louis, please. This isn't good for you. I know you feel like shit, I get it. Believe me I do, but this isn't going to solve it. You need to want to get better in order for it to work," Liam says.  
"You think I don't want to get better, Liam? You think I want this pain in my chest that in constantly there? You think I want this physical ache inside me that will never go away? That I want to feel miserable ever second of the day unless my mind is otherwise preoccupied by some sort of substance? Yeah Liam that's exactly what I want…" Louis practically yells at the other boy.  
"Louis, I'm just trying to help. Please I-"  
"Save it, Payne. I’m going to bed," Louis says, shoving Liam's hand off his shoulder and storming out of the room.  
That night Louis sits on the floor of the extra bedroom he usually claimed, smoothly dragging the blade across his leg. Hidden, so no one could see the marks he made, he learned that one the hard way. He sighs as he feels the only thing he considers to be a release anymore, before he cleans himself up to lie in bed and most likely never fall asleep.

"I didn't need to be set up Zayn, god" Harry huffed as Zayn handed him a piece of paper with the details for his blind date, "My life is fucked up enough, I don't need to bring someone else into it".  
"Your life is fucked up? What?" Niall asked.  
"Um, yeah. Lets date the weird kid who feels mysterious pain and is in uni but doesn't know what to do with the rest of his life. And has effectively spent the whole of his summer so far, granted it has only been 2 weeks, working at his part time job at a fucking flower market. That’s totally normal," Harry says angrily.  
His friends had set him up with some guy he didn't even know that was supposedly studying to be a lawyer. He sounded like a dud to Harry, and he didn't particularly want to go on this date. But here is the thing about Harry, he is too nice to say no. He cares too much about other people to let his friends, and this guy, down like that.  
The restaurant was not even that nice. Harry waited outside for 15 minutes for this guy, Steven, but he hadn't showed up yet. He decided to go in and get a table, just so he wasn't awkwardly waiting around anymore.  
"My name is Louis, I'll be your server. Can I get you a drink?"  
Harry looks up at the boy who is standing next to his table. He had tattoos up and down his arms and across his chest, a lip ring resting on the edge of his mouth, obviously being toyed with by his tongue. He had bright blue eyes that could draw in anyone. Harry wished this were the guy he had been set up with.  
"Um," Harry said, clearing his throat and adjusting his gaze, "Just water for now. I'm waiting for someone," he explained.  
"Ok, mate," Louis said, rather unenthusiastically.  
After two glasses of water and an hour and a half, Harry had come to terms with the fact that he had been stood up. He left a 5 on the table and walked outside leaning against the brick wall of the building. He waited a moment as he felt the cold brick seep under he clothes, making him shiver. Tears started to slowly fall down his face, as he cried, silently. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he wanted someone stable in his life, and he thought this could be a chance. He wanted someone to take care of him, and someone to look after, just a constant in his life that he could depend on.  
He heard the door open and quickly wiped away his tears, looking to see who had exited the building. He saw Louis, reaching into his pocket and lighting a cigarette.   
Louis looked over, catching him staring, "No show?" he asked.  
"Got stood up," Harry said, nodding.  
Louis just nodded back.  
"On break?" Harry asked.  
"No, shift just ended," Louis responded.  
The two boys stared at each other for a few moments before daring to break the silence  
"Well, I should-" "Do you maybe want-"  
They both laughed lightly, looking at the ground.  
"Sorry, you go," Louis insisted.  
"I was just going to offer you a ride home if you needed one," Harry said.  
"That’s ok mate, I wasn't going to go home anyway," Louis said.  
"Oh, well where were you going to go?" Harry questioned.  
"Not sure. Anywhere but home. Somewhere where I can ingest copious amounts of alcohol and other more illegal substances to forget my shitty life," Louis answered, blatantly.  
"You shouldn't… I mean, I'm sure you hear this a lot but, you shouldn't do that," Harry said.  
"You're right, I do hear that a lot".  
"Would you maybe- I mean, you could come to mine? Have a pint with my roommates and me. You can even stay the night if you are still not keen on going home".  
Harry wasn't sure why he offered, but he felt this pull, like a need almost, to know this boy.  
Apparently the boy felt a similar pull because he agreed.

Louis woke up with a splitting headache and an unfamiliar heat beside him. He didn't flinch away immediately like he probably should have, but rather he just stayed for a moment, feeling the comfort of someone sleeping beside him. It was oddly calming and made him feel, almost appreciated.  
"Louis," he heard the sleeping mass beside him mutter.  
"Um, yeah?" Louis responded, unsurely.   
"Sorry, I changed you into some sweats, and I didn't want you sleeping on the floor," Harry muttered.  
"Oh, um thanks".  
Louis looked down and realized that he was in fact swimming in some large sweatpants and a t-shirt that were both presumably Harry's.  
Louis started to get out of bed, and looked at the clock that read 6am.  
"Wait," Harry said.  
Louis turned to look at him, for the first time that morning. His hair was spread out over the pillow, eyes slightly red, as he remembered they were both crying at one point last night. He was shirtless and his collarbones peaked out of the covers. His bright green eyes almost glowing in the partial darkness.  
"You can stay… I mean if you want," Harry said quietly.  
Louis just nodded, numbly and climbed back into bed.  
Harry pulled him in close so that Louis back was flush against his chest.  
"I don't know why, but I want to know you Louis. There is just something about you," Harry said quietly in his ear, causing him to shutter slightly.  
"I want to know you too, Harry," Louis admitted, finally loosening up and pressing into the taller boys grasp.  
When the boys did finally wake up all the way, Harry fed Louis a quick breakfast before he sent him on his way. Louis took a cab to Liam's flat because he tried to avoid being home alone at all costs. He was just staring out the window of the cab when he felt his phone vibrate. He took it out to see "Harry :)" pop up on his screen. Well that must have happened at some point last night. He couldn't help the smile that spread across his face as he opened the message.  
Harry: I better be getting a phone call babe x  
Louis didn’t stop smiling as he replied.  
Louis: So impatient, but I would keep your phone close xx  
"Liam!" he called as he walked into the unlocked apartment.  
"Louis! God! Where have you been? I called you and you never responded, you were out all night, I was worried. Let me see your wrists," Liam demanded.  
"No, Liam it's fine I was-"  
"Let me see!" he insisted.  
Louis sighed and held out his arms to his friend. When Liam was satisfied, he let Louis' arms go.  
"So where were you?" Liam asked.  
"At Harry's" Louis answered, as if this was an everyday, normal occurrence.  
"At who's? What?"   
Louis walked into the kitchen, getting himself a glass of water and some painkillers.  
"He's a boy, I met him last night, I- well he offered to…" Louis struggled to explain what happened, "Basically, Liam. This stupid, perfect boy didn't want me going and ruining my life and doing drugs, so he offered to take me back to his place. I don't know why, and honestly I am confused".  
"Louis, did you two…?"  
"No! Because he was caring and I'm pretty sure we both cried over our glasses of whatever we were drinking at one point and I feel strangely attached to this person I barely know!" Louis ranted.  
"Lou, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. You should like… I don't know, get to know him better? Maybe ask him out?" Liam suggested.  
"The weird part is, I actually agree with you," Louis said, going to his room.  
He opened his drawer and starred at his blade. After a few minutes of contemplation, he slammed the drawer shut, falling onto his bed, with his mind swimming with Harry.

Harry didn't feel any sudden pain that night. It was the first night in a while that he could escape the feeling. He fell asleep smiling, thinking only of Louis, and when he would be able to see him again.

Three dates. Well if you could even consider them dates. Three times hanging out for hours on end, just mindlessly chatting while one another's fingers absentmindedly carded through each other's hair. That was a more accurate description. The point is it took three times for Louis to trust Harry, which was saying something. Three times until he came to the conclusion that he really liked Harry. Three times until he started to except that he may have more than just casual feelings for this perfect flower child sat before him.   
"You should come meet Jezza," Harry suggested on the fourth time they were hanging out.  
"I feel like that is equivalent to meeting the parents," Louis laughed, as he shifted his head in Harry's lap to look up at his angelic face.   
"Mmm," Harry agreed, laughing quietly as well, "A bit I suppose, but she really wants to meet you".  
"And why is that?" Louis asked.  
"Cuz she says I'm not allowed to talk about you anymore until she can put a face to the name. And they she said pictures don't count, so she wants to meet you," Harry explained.  
"Or more like, you want me to meet her so you can keep talking about me. Cheeky," Louis comments.  
"Maybe… Shut up! Wipe that smirk off," Harry said with a laugh, shifting and pushing Louis off his lap.  
"OK, lets go," Louis said suddenly.  
"What?"  
"Take me to your flower shop, flower child," Louis said, low and very close to Harry's face.   
Harry had to restrain himself from closing the small gap between them and kissing him senseless right then and there. Louis backed away slowly, motioning for Harry to followed him ad he grabbed Harry's keys, tossing them towards the taller boy and turning to walk out the door.

"Jez! Jezza?" Harry called when they entered the thankfully empty shop.  
"Harold? What are you doing here, babe? You don't have work today," Jezza answered, walking out from the back to stand behind the counter, "Do you need flowers for that new boy you are so in lo-"  
"Jez!" Harry said, abruptly cutting her off, "This is Louis," he said, motioning towards the shot boy standing behind him.  
"Louis! Oh hello my dear!" Jezza called enthusiastically, coming out from behind the counter to gather Louis into a tight embrace.  
"Sorry mate, Jezza is a little… hands on," Harry explained, earning a raised eyebrow from Louis.  
Harry rolled his eyes at his friend’s dirty mind, but reached over to give Jezza a hug after she finally released Louis.  
The two quickly got to talking and Harry let them be to wander around the store, looking at all the pretty flowers. He grabbed a particularly pretty flower. It has millions of small petals that were dyed dark blue, light blue and black. It smelled sweet, almost like something he could eat. When he was satisfied with his flower choice and he saw that Jezza had left Louis alone and confused in the middle of the store, he made his move.  
Harry held the flower behind his back, coming up behind Louis.  
"Hey," he said, right in his ear.   
Louis spun around fast, coming face to face with Harry.  
"So I had a question," Harry started.  
"Yeah?" Louis prompted him.  
"I know we are both a little… unstable, in our own ways. But I feel like you have become solid ground in my life, as weird as that sounds," Harry said.  
"No, it doesn't sound weird," Louis assured him, shaking his head, "I feel… much the same about you".  
"OK well, feel free to say no, because it’s a lot to ask so soon, but I don't know, I feel like it is right. I was just wondering if maybe, you wanted to be my boyfriend?" Harry asked, bringing the flower out from behind his back.  
Louis looked at the flower and smiled, biting his lip, playing with the ring that was there.  
He looked up at the curly haired boy and moved his hand to grip his t-shirt by his waist. Louis pulled him into a soft kiss, almost too gentle for Louis to be capable of.  
"Does that answer your question, Haz?" Louis asked against his lips.  
"Mhm," was all Harry said, before connecting their lips again, and smiling into the kiss.  
On the ride home, Louis asked why Harry picked that flower.  
"It reminded me of you. Dark and mysterious, but obviously sweet and lovable when you got the chance to know it," Harry said with a laugh.  
But that description meant more to Louis than Harry knew.   
In the three weeks of the two boys being together, Louis hadn't even contemplated picking up the blade.  
In the three weeks of them being together, Harry's pain had disappeared, not bothering him at all.  
The boys had accidentally walked into heated make out sessions between Harry and Louis a few times, but they honestly didn't mind. They had found each other in this crazy mixed up world and that’s all that seemed to matter.   
And they stayed together, longer than anyone thought possibly for two such oppositely broken boys.

One day, Harry and Louis were watching TV together, and Harry's hand had snaked up Louis' shirt, just comfortingly stroking his skin. Harry felt marks on his skin, under his touch, so he gently lifted his shirt, revealing scars, so many, littering Louis' hips.  
"Lou, what are these?" Harry asked.  
"Don't!" Louis said, pulling his shirt down, "I'm not proud of those Harry, that's why I keep them hidden," he says plainly.   
"Louis, why? Why do you do it?" Harry asked quietly.  
"Because my life sucks and it's the only thing I can do to feel something!" Louis lets out angrily, trying his best not to get worked up.  
He sees that he has not succeeded when a tear falls down Harry's cheek.  
"Harry, no. I didn't meant that I haven't - "   
"No Louis, that’s fine. I just thought that you felt something out of this relationship. I thought the last three and a half months meant something to you, that’s all." Harry said, pushing himself off the couch.  
"Harry, please, you don't understand-"   
"Whatever Louis, I’m going to bed. Feel free to stay on the couch tonight," Harry muttered before storming off to his room.  
Louis didn't stay that night; he went home to his own apartment for the first time in weeks. He need that sweet release again, breaking down once more under the power that he felt when he let that flame lick his skin. He slowly lit the lighter heat his wrist, not even thinking about hiding the marks, just lost in the numbness the pain brought.   
That night Harry felt the pain again, a burning in his wrists that didn't subside for what felt like hours.

Harry woke up to see an empty couch and a note that just read, "I'm so sorry xx"  
He rubbed his wrists to try and calm the slight lingering pain that still poisoned his skin.  
There was a muted knock at the door as Harry shoved some bread into the toaster and he debated for a minute before deciding to answer the door.  
Harry opened the door to reveal a sobbing Louis, who was also drenched from the apparent down pour outside that Harry hadn’t noticed.  
Harry stared at the boy from a moment, before gathering him in his arms, tearing up with the smaller boy.  
"I just wanted you to know," Louis said, when he had quieted his sobs, "I hadn't done anything, nothing since I found you".  
"Lou, I'm so sorry I over reacted, I just. I get this weird pain, right? And I don't know where it comes from. Some times I feel like it's my own version of letting out my suffering, and I just hadn't come to terms with it yet. I hadn't felt it since I found you, either," Harry admits.  
Louis looks up at Harry, his eyes plagued with sadness.  
"What Lou? Tell me what's wrong?" Harry said, moving them to sit on the couch, taking off Louis' soaked sweatshirt.   
Louis was reluctant to take of the sweatshirt, but he figured he was admitting his faults anyway, so why not.  
"I gave in last night Harry," he admitted, holding his wrists out for Harry to see.  
Harry gently took Louis' wrists in his hands. He pressed a little too hard against one of the marks and oddly, both boys pulled back, wincing in pain.   
Harry came to a sudden realization, his eyes growing wide.  
"Louis," he said quietly, "You did this with a lighter didn't you?"   
"Yeah, but how could you tell?" Louis asked.  
It was fairly obvious that the marks on his skins were burns, but that isn't usually the first reaction someone has to this situation.  
"I think that, this is going to sound so weird… But I think that, I can feel your pain," Harry said, "Last night, the pain I told you about was back. I hadn't felt it since we got together, since you said you stopped hurting yourself. Then last night, a burning in my wrists, for the longest time, still lingering in the morning, just in the same spots as you. And when I just pressed down on it, I felt it, as if it was my own skin," he explained.  
"So you are telling me, that when I hurt, it hurts you too?" Louis asked.  
Harry just nodded, both the boys starting to cry again.   
Louis sobbed into Harry's shoulder, while Harry just rocked him, whispering sweet words of comfort into his ear.  
Finally, Harry pulled him back, looking him straight in the eye.  
"Next time you want to do this to yourself, I want you to come over to me, and make the marks in my skin, because I feel the same pain," Harry said.  
Then it became so painfully obvious to Louis. Hurting himself was hurting the ones he loved. So many people had tried to tell him to stop, but he never listened, never caring how it was hurting them too, but now he realized, that just as much physical pain was brought on other people as well.  
"I love you," Louis suddenly blurted out, "I know it isn't the most conventional time but-"   
Louis was cut off by Harry's lips smashing into his, hands wandering all over each other's bodies, not caring about boundaries anymore.  
"God, I love you so much," Harry said against Louis' lips.  
And they were crying again, but this time it was for a whole different reason.   
The kiss was wet, and passionate, and full of so much love, they could hardly absorb it.  
Harry pulled back to look Louis in the eye again, "This love will never be convenient. But I know, somehow, we are going to make it work".

And they did. Harry kissed the breath out of Louis when he was one year clean. They cleaned up Louis' flat, making it livable again and getting rid of all of his old memories. They could then move in together. A new addition to the family came when they got a puppy together, whom they loved like a child. Harry once again, kissed Louis senseless on his two-year mark, running his hands and lips over the hardly visible scars.  
The three-year mark Louis said yes. Yes to marriage, yes to Harry, yes to being happy for the rest of his life.   
Every year mark from then on, Harry kissed the life out of Louis, letting him know just how god damn in love he was with the smaller boy before him.   
Even when their daughter came and jumped on the bed with them, he never forgot to kiss Louis and let him know how important he was.   
There was no more pain, no more broken boys, because it turned out that they were just missing a piece, a piece that they found in each other, fixing the messed up crazy life they used to have, and turning into a crazy, perfect life that they loved to live.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading guys! Don't forget to leave a comment and give kudos if you enjoyed!  
> You can find me on tumblr at alittlem0rethunder.tumblr.com  
> I am also on watt pad by the same name  
> Thanks again :)


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